something to look at

June 22, 2009 at 7:30 pm | In sensualism | Leave a Comment

from galvarez51's flickr

I found this on galvarez51’s flickr. It’s from the lilly pool at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. I really love how there’s so much reddish orange in this photo. It almost looks like the lilly pads are sucking up the color of the koi like they were celery. The patterns on the lilly pads are also very pretty.

something to look at

April 18, 2009 at 1:03 pm | In sensualism | Leave a Comment

from B Tal's flickr

from B Tal's flickr

 

I found this photo in a search for “light” on flickr. I really like the blue-green colors, and I like how the lights look like fireflies or something (they’re string lights). I also love this time of evening. Very beautiful and relaxing, and sometimes exciting depending on what you’re up to. The photo is titled “We Eat Light” which I thought was great.

too nice, and why it’s not sexy

April 18, 2009 at 12:31 pm | In philosophizing, sensualism, social critic | Leave a Comment

I was bored during my lunch break at work the other day this week, and was surfing random articles. I read a headline that said “Dating Question: Can a Guy Be Too Nice?” written by dating blogger Rich Santos for Marie Claire. This immediately caught my eye because I’ve always been very annoyed/passionate/fascinated by both the age-old complaint “Girls say they want nice guys, but they really want bad boys!!” and the tragedy that perfectly decent handsome guys are not attracting as many girls because they are just too innocuous.

The the main question that the article proposed to answer was: can a guy be too nice? The article went on to give four scenarios in which it is possible for a guy to be too nice, which I will boil down for you here:

#1: He’s So Nice, He Can Only Be a Friend

Main point the author made: A girl might not be willing to risk the great friendship that you have to date you because you’re such a nice, great person. Also, the guy may just be destined to be a friend.

 
#2: He’s So Nice, He’s Not Challenging Enough

Main point the author made: We like to feel that we’ve won some one over, not that they’ve just handed themselves over to us.

 
#3: He’s So Nice, He’ll Always Be There

Main point the author made: I didn’t really understand what the author was saying in this section (check the article if you’re interested) but he mainly indicated that if a girl knows she can always come back to you, then she is more likely to see how it goes with other guys, rather than stay with you.

 
#4: He’s TOO Nice, You Can’t Trust Him

Main point the author made: A guy can be too nice in a way that makes the girl thinks he must have ulterior motives, or that he some sort of psycho. (I have a feeling this is rarely actually the case – though possible. I think the author just ran out of ideas.)

 
I personally felt that this article was cheap, and badly thought out. I suppose that’s generally what you’ll find when looking at random articles on Yahoo, but I felt like it was kind of funny that whatever editor was in charge of this section thought that this was worth publishing. Whenever there are dating advice articles and the like, it seems like nobody is really trying to actually answer these questions. Part of the reason is that there are a lot of nuanced psychological factors at play when it comes to human relationships, and our mass culture, most of the time , is not really concerned with understanding any of it. I really want to understand it, so I’ll make my attemp with this topic.

 
To start with, can a guy be too nice? Yes. Guys can be too nice. Girls can be too nice. Anyone can be too nice. I think that we don’t notice as much when girls are too nice because, to generalize, guys really do want nice sweet girls to be with long term. All of the negatives of being too nice don’t register as much with certain guys because they don’t mind having a sweet person who is lovely and wants to help them, and do whatever they want to do. It ’s actually pleasant and desirable.

 
So why isn’t it the same for girls? First I want to address this idea that girls really want bad boys. Don’t get me wrong, there are some girls out there who just don’t get it, and they are attracted to bad guys (I would guess it’s the thrill of taming some unattainable, selfish, lone-wolf, wild guy or just the excitement that he might bring to their life) but I don’t think they understand that the guy is not going to magically change one day into a decent person. As for other girls – or at least from my perspective – a really nice, totally inoffensive guy with impeccable manners and who never has any self serving intents, does not turn me on. However, I do not want to date a talented gorgeous guy – who is also a selfish ass-hole who is deceptive and has horrible life values. There IS a middle ground. Well, I believe there is a middle ground, and there certainly is one if you make it.

 
So what is the problem with being too nice? Obviously it’s nice when people are nice, but why does it make it so hard to be romantically and sexually excited about some one who is too nice of a person? The author of the article touched on this for a brief moment and did not address it or expand on it. He remarked in section #1, and I quote:

 
“Also, sometimes the nice guy just has no edge, so he’s destined to be just a friend.”

 

Uh, YEAH. Thank you, that is the whole crux of the problem! Why didn’t he talk about that at all! What is it about having no “edge” (eugh, no one likes using that buzzword) that makes some one not sexually or romantically interesting nor highly desirable?? To clarify a little bit, you can basically say that the level of nice-ness a person has is inversely proportional to the level of edge they have. For example: Mother Teresa – no edge. Totally open, straight forward, giving person. Not concerned with sexual appeal, material things, or selfish desires. I’m sure those who knew Mother Teresa felt that they could trust her, knew exactly where they stood with her, and that they could look to her for help or emotional comfort. Now imagine the opposite.

 
I feel like “Edge” (when discussing it in romantic context) is linked to several issues of character and personality. It involves:

 
- a person’s desire to express their sexuality/sensuality, and wanting to fulfill sexual desires.
- one’s selfishness or concern for ones own general needs and desires.
- the ability to think for one’s self and stand by your own perceptions and opinions.
- a person’s willingness to experience risk.

 
All edge would be a horrible person that no one wanted to deal with. No edge would be… your mom… or God, or some sort of saintly, non-human, non-sexual entity. Ideally, if you want to be a sexy, desirable, intelligent, kind, interesting person, you must find a moderate balance of edge and goodness. If you are too easy to be with, always accommodating, always ready to change your mind or do something for the person you’re interested in – they are not going to feel like they’re having a real interaction. There is no excitement of what is going to happen because they know they can basically always get their way, and they’re not even sure of what your way is. They will have too much power ( this really goes for any relationship you have – romantic or not). Sexual chemistry is also lessened because there is no tension – the girl will feel that she has all the control, when it should really be 50/50 (neither of you knows if you’ll get together or not! exciting!). She has to feel that you feel that sleeping with her is something you WANT regardless of how she feels about it (because this is probably how she feels about you if she’s attracted to you). You should be a match for each other, like a good tennis match or fencing match (pick whatever sport you like). You’re evenly in control, so it is a real outcome when you finally both feel like you want to be together and date.

 
It always bums me out when guys think they should just start being a jerk and then girls will like them more. The only thing I ever think of some one who is acting like a selfish jerk is that they sure are confident, but wow what a f*cking jerk. Confidence and generally being happy with yourself are crucial to being attractive, but it’s quickly soured when you can see what little touch with reality some one has because of how cocky, selfish, or reckless they are.
This is getting long, so I’ll end with saying that if you just relax and be yourself, dress so your silhouette is attractive, go for what you want, but also are generally considerate about other people’s feelings/needs/desires, you won’t be too nice to date.

something to look at

April 11, 2009 at 9:15 am | In personal, sensualism | Leave a Comment

from Kajelund's flickr

from Kajelund's flickr

 

I found this image in a search for “wallpaper” on flickr. My wall calendar this year is of wallpapers from the 1910’s from the William Morris collection at the Brooklyn Museum. It was a bit of a departure for me because older wallpaper can be such a traditional and even conservative (read: stoic and un-sensual) visual choice. The samples in the calendar I’ve got are more on the creative and color-themed side though, so they really appeal to my eye. They’re a little traditional and very symmetrical, but some have really modern and striking color choices, some are heading toward deco. On a side-note, that kind of gives me an idea of how limited mass media is, because I think I’ve been under the impression that really funky-type, interesting, expressive stuff wasn’t as common in certain times of history, but really more of it was going on than people ever see commonly.

I like the image above because it has a very beautiful, kind of ornate flower design, it’s in one of my most favorite colors – blue, and the paper is aged. I LOVE when coloring on things ages or fades. What I actually love a lot is when you see use of color in that way, but the image or object it used on is not aged or distressed itself. For example if the coloring on the paper in the image above was exactly the same as it appears, but the paper was new, I would think this would be an awesome choice. You get the combination of clean, intentional designs in the wallpaper, but then these fading colors that look luminous and natural and kind of mimic the flow and ebbing of energy. It’s like, colors that you see naturally or chemically faded (like with bleach or something) have these smooth gradients that look like the visual representation of emotion. I really like that.

something to look at

January 24, 2009 at 2:17 pm | In sensualism | Leave a Comment

pinktree1

found this photo from Jessica New’s flickr account through a Yahoo image search for “beautiful”. I like that the color of the flowers is very bright, and is kind of soaking through the tree branches and that there is also bright sunlight. Bright blue, pink, and white/light is very nice.

i did love you more than i did the week before

January 22, 2009 at 6:36 pm | In personal, philosophizing, sensualism, social critic | Leave a Comment

I discovered alcohol.

It has just occurred to me, on this evening of the 22nd of January, two-thousand-and-nine, that I have not yet blogged about drinking and alcohol.

What an institution, that in a thousand billion years will NEVER become obsolete. Drinking is as old as time itself, and it is a grand tradition. I myself know nothing personally about the histories of alcohol, brewing, fermentation, and… other crazy ways of making a beverage that will f you up. I do have some field experience, though, and I must say, even being a relatively tame person who does not drink that often and who does not process alcohol well (I can hold my liquor with the best of them, but the hangover is very debilitating; and i’ve never liked beer – *gasp* sacrilege!), there’s nothing like an evening of drinking. In fact, I am drinking right now, and I can tell you my night is already 68% better than it would have been if I had drank the water I should be drinking right now instead.

Now don’t misunderstand me, there are are several very important drawbacks: terrible for your liver/health, addictive, dehydrating, generally a physically degrading practice, drinking is. You should never drink too much, neither at one time or on a regular basis. Over-drinking or chronic alcoholism are serious problems that are hard to deal with, and hopefully they can be avoided. But if you can manage to keep it sporadic, drinking is such a lovely pastime.

I think my most favorite thing about it is that it releases all your happy chemicals (like for serotonin production, etc.). It’s a depressant, and when I drink I am much less self aware/self conscious, I feel generally amused and pleasant, and I am not sweating the small stuff. This = things being at least 10 times more enjoyable than they would be otherwise. It’s always fun for me when I get together with friends and I know we’re going out to drink and dance, or when we’re chilling in and we’ll be finishing a couple bottles of wine watching some hilarious movie or something to that effect.

In the past few years I have really come to appreciate why there is a cocktail hour. After work drinks, or a drink when you get home after a long day seems to put you right. It’s a mental break from your usual state, and it’s important to try and relax. I have also always LOVED how it is totally accepted that everyone, older and younger adults alike, will be drinking or drunk at various holidays, dinner parties, and of course, weddings (hopefully it’s for fun though, and not because of some tension or general bad feelings in the group).

I love hearing friends who come from a mild-mannered background say something like, “I am at my parents for Thanksgiving! We’ll all be totally toasted by the end of the day.” Grandma and everyone. :)

Anyway, this is the part where I end this post because I am a terrible writer.

Some of my favorite things to drink:

red wine – fragrant and warming

margaritas! – no explanation needed

brandy sidecar

whisky sour –  if I’m in the mood

music and personality

September 6, 2008 at 4:39 am | In philosophizing, science!, sensualism | Leave a Comment

It’s 3am right now. I was going to go for a bike ride tonight, but I was feeling really tired from the week, and Anderson Cooper 360 was on, and I wanted to sing later, so I stayed home… and promptly fell asleep at 8:30pm (must be more anemic than I thought). Hence the being awake right now. But thank goodness for that, cause I found and interesting article online that has moved me to write a web log entry! (that’s where “blog” comes from… really? it’s just such a goofy abbreviation. I’d rather be saying “weblog” all the time – ANYWAY, I digress.)

I just read this article online about a professor, Adrian North (Heriot-Watt University, Scotland), who is studying the links between people’s personalities and the music they like. I was intrigued by the opening line of the article which read, ” Fans of classical music and jazz are creative, pop lovers are hardworking and, despite the stereotypes, heavy metal listeners are gentle, creative types who are at ease with themselves.” I read that and thought, “Yeah, that sounds right to me,”. I don’t know what personalities people generally associate with certain types of music these days, but the stereotypes are definitely not any accurate showing of human temperament. That’s why I’ve always hated stereotypes, because I find them to be often inaccurate and suffocating.

I’m excited that studies like this are happening because I really feel like humans don’t understand ourselves, and that music really helps to show the inner workings of our intelligent mind and emotional hearts. I think there’s probably a lot of value in studying it. I love the idea of some one trying to shed light on the mental and emotional workings of humans, and ACTUALLY discover some truths about people and art that could be helpful to understand one another.
Just as example, my older brother, Justin, is a heavy metal lover. He has listened to heavy metal since I can remember (Sidebar: a friend’s boyfriend was playing a Metallica song on acoustic the other night and I was like, “What song is that?” and he says, “You wouldn’t know,” and I say, “No, I recognize it, that’s why I asked,” and he says, “It’s ‘One’,” and I was like, ” ‘One!’ “. I used to love that song.) … where was I? Oh yeah, my brother loves heavy metal music. When we were younger I remember a lonely Snoop Dog album among the Slayer, Metallica, NIN, Sepultura, Megadeth, Anthrax, Yngwie Johann Malmsteen, Pantera, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Iron maiden, Def Leopard, and other stuff I don’t remember. There was a Weezer album there (blue). I yoikned that. The Megadeth was too much for me. My brother also likes classical music, which a lot of metal is derived from. I think that’s a much more widely known fact now, that the composition of metal is very much like baroque and classical music. There’s a lot of counterpoint, and virtuosic guitar playing, specific modal changes, clear movements, and longer song-run time, etc. It’s fun to listen and compare because you can totally hear it. If that Bach piece was way faster and there was a little distortion on the violin…
My brother is a very conscious, intelligent, gentle person. He’s totally a nice guy, and super creative (drawing, music, art). He’s played the drums since he was 13, crazy double-pedal bass, barrage of cymbals, metal-type of set up. He hates going to the mall because there are so many people there, and raging consumerism. He doesn’t like how messed up the world is.
I guess the stereotype is that people who like metal are party-ers, and are violent, crazy, and stupid, and listen to noise they call music? Sure, some people are like that ( and some people listen to really bad metal). I think it’s because they look at metal intellectually and think, “Yeah! I want to rebel and be crazy, and badass, and scare people!”. But I don’t think those people are really listening to the music.

I also find the study this professor is doing very interesting because I have always felt like people hear music in different ways. People don’t perceive exactly the same, there are different ways the mind works. I always find new music by hearing. I just hear something, and my ears prick up, and I say to the nearest person I know, “Hey, who is this?”. It’s really hard for me to go by recommendations, or to try to listen to something on purpose because it takes so much time and energy and I may not even like it. Sometimes I get really good recommendations though :) . When I just hear something and get excited, I already know it’s something I should get my hands on. How I heard of some of my favorite bands:

Bjork: Originally saw/heard the “Oh So Quiet” video on MTV, then heard “Joga” on the radio a couple years later while riding in the car and HAD to buy some albums after that.
Portishead: heard “All Mine” playing in between sets at a show at the Phoenix in Petaluma.
Phoenix: Heard the album United playing in the background while hanging at Frankie & Joshy’s.

I really feel like it’s possible that people are tuned-in and physically calibrated to experience the world in different ways. I think that it could be why people like different kinds of music. It all literally sounds different to each person (this still does not excuse badly done music, though. blahgh). And it’s much more nuanced and intricate than pop-culture makes it out to be.
The article states, ” ‘Researchers have been showing for decades that fans of rock and rap are rebellious, and that fans of opera are wealthy and well-educated,’ North said. ‘But this is the first time that research has shown that personality links to liking for a wide range of musical styles.’ “. Those first observations are just correlations. They’re not causal, and not as closely related as personality and music preference. I have always been saddened by some people’s distaste for classical and romantic music just because it seems stuffy or something. Are people not listening?? It’s gorgeous! I’m sick of hearing about how bad it is, it’s GREAT. If you really sit down for a second you can notice how classical and romantic music, symphonic music, is the music that most closely replicates human emotion. Everyone probably loves it, they just haven’t had the chance to find out.

Back to the perception thing (btw, I apologize for my terrible writing, 2 people who read this). I really want to study human physical perception, music, and culture more. I have thought about studying musicology, maybe ethnomusicology, but I think I haven’t been more enthusiastic about it because I’m not sure how much you can really make for a living studying that. I really think there’s something to it. I’m the kind of person who likes to be around people who perceive like I do. I think because I have realized over the years that I don’t know very many people who perceive like I do, I guess. I like things to be homogenous so I can enjoy relating with people. I think that’s why I’m never enthusiastic about making friends with some one who doesn’t dress in a way I find aesthetically pleasing, or who listens to music I don’t find pleasing. I figure they do not see the world the way I do – on a fundamental level – and so we will probably never be close. It all gets very detailed though. You can’t really tell if you passing up some one you may like very much. So interesting.

Toward the end of the article, North states, ” Those who choose to listen to exciting, punchy music are more likely to be in a higher earning bracket, he says, while those who go for relaxing sounds tend to be lower down the pay scale.” There’s some food for thought. Why why why?? I think know why. Perception. Sensitivity. Empathy. Sensory. Sleepy…
Ok, I am tired. It’s like 5am cause I’m such a terrible writer, too stream-of-consciousness.

Here is the article. It’s fairly short.

And here is a link to the study, peopleintomusic.com
I am going to fill out my questionnaire there tomorrow afternoon :)
Night.

synesthesia

August 6, 2008 at 10:39 pm | In personal, science!, sensualism | Leave a Comment

I love synesthesia. I didn’t know this was actually a known perceptive quality until about 2 years ago. I’ve been a synesthete I think my whole life. I would really like to meet other people who are synesthetes, cause it’s such a weird, interesting thing that totally feels natural.

I mainly have grapheme-color synesthesia, where numbers, letters, and letters in words have a color associated with them. I also experience some sound-color synesthesia, but I more so feel personalities and specific feelings/moods/ambiance of happening when I hear note changes, chords, or combination of notes or different melodies. I have some ordinal-linguistic personification, which is when multi-digit numbers, day names, months, or letters have a personality.

I’m not sure how some one’s synesthesia develops, but I think things like the type of colors and personalities that are literally associated with anything when you’re younger and you’re developing in pre-school and the lower grades will affect it (ie: Monday is always black to me, and I think the on the days of the week signs in the library of my elementary school the monday card was in black letters). Besides that I think it’s all just natural and a combination of your own brain’s chemical and mechanical perception and all the factors of your world around you.

On to the great part! Something that is really fun is comparing synesthesia with some one else who has it. It’s makes me ridiculously giddy to argue that, “No way! Friday is RED, it’s totally red. There’s no way it’s blue!”. So I wanted to write out a synesthesia profile for myself. If anyone has it too please comment!! The following is how I ALWAYS see these letters, numbers, etc. When I see them they just appear that way. They have the “quality” of being that color. Only occasionally do I actually see the number or letter in it’s color, and if so it’s just for a second.

my synesthesia profile:

Monday: black
Tuesday: tan
Wednesday: brown, orange, or dark orange
Thursday: purple
Friday: red
Saturday: white/yellow
Sunday: brown

0: black
1: white
2: tan, goldenrod
3: purple, sometimes black
4: brown
5: red
6: blue
7: green
8: yellow, goldenrod
9: faded orange-red
10: black, or white/black
11: white, platinum
12: yellow
13: violet
14: white/brown
15: coral

… and the colors kind of combine so on and so on based on the ten digits.

January: red
February: light orange
March: green
April: pink/yellow
May: dark pink
June: blue
July: green, or red
August: red and bright gold/orange
September: light yellow/tan, or light grey
October: black, or green/purple
November: brown
December: brown, or purple

a: red
b: orange
c: dark blue
d: brown
e: purple
f: dark orange
g: brown
h: light yellow/orange
i: white/platinum
j: blue, black
k: white
l: white or light coral
m: black
n: light brown
o: black
p: light reddish-tan
q: grey/black/purple
r: goldenrod
s: white or very light yellow
t: light grey
u: tan, dark peach
v: green
w: tan, light brownish orange
x: white, white/black, platinum
y: goldenrod, yellow
z: black, green, purple, or dark blue

This took me about a couple minutes to type out, the associations come to mind really quickly.

Music is totally different for me. I associate complex situational feelings, moods, and voices (not audible voices, but kind of like voice like the tone a writer creates in a book, more like a feeling) with different types of movements, chord changes, beats, instrument timbre, and melodies. Maybe I’ll delve more into that later, but it would probably be really difficult to explain and will end up being a lot of intellectual mish mash.

night!

aaaaa! beautiful!

August 2, 2008 at 5:13 pm | In race & racism, sensualism | Leave a Comment

My posts have been more aesthetic-centered lately, but here’s another wonderful thing I just saw. This portrait is from the The Sartorialist. He usually photographs people in full and focuses on the clothing or details, but occasionally he just snaps some one that he finds to be striking.

Gotta love fair, red-headed people. Kind of reminds me of my uncle, Paul. My dad’s brother and sisters all have red hair.

nato tuke, the light, and the ocean… and, of course, skin

July 26, 2008 at 10:39 pm | In philosophizing, sensualism | 1 Comment

My friend eric just posted a bulletin on myspace about his friend’s photography. Her name’s Nato Tuke (pronounced naaahto), and she grew up on Bonaire, an island in the caribbean, until she was 12, then lived in Florida. You should read her bio, it’s very nice and interesting. She sounds like a very intelligent and excited person. She’s now 19 and doing a 3 year program at Brooks Institute of Photog in Santa Barbara.

I was checking out her website and there’s some wonderful stuff on there. I could not snag her photos off there to post them here, but here is the site nato tuke
I’m really enamored of the following:
Portfolio 1, the 1st photo and the 3rd photo
Portfolio 3, the 3rd photo

I like the way she lights things, and there is an air of sexiness, but still a lot of color and approachableness, and friendliness in her shots. Really great energy, and tangibleness as well. She talks in her blog about how she loves the ocean, which is awesome because THE OCEAN IS AWESOME. I’ll have to check back later and see what kind of sea centered shots she does. There are also a lot of really beautiful heavy but energetic blue colors she uses in some of her shots. I love blue. Pretty much my favorite color. Also, I like how there’s this sexiness in her photos, but it’s calm and nice. She has some great nude photos up there (portfl. 3, third photo), they’re very sensual, but inviting, not intimidating or crass. I like to use the word gorgeous to describe stuff like that. I also like how in the 1st photo in portfolio 1, the portrait of this girl with major freckles, her skin is so clearly shot and it’s like you can tell how it feels, and her eyes are so bright. Very cool.

I really wish I was more like people like this. She’s pretty young, but totally knows what she wants to do, and knows that she can do it, and wants to do it in this world. She seems really comfortable with herself, from reading her bio. It also kind of seems like she understands the world around her from a more mature and sure point of view. She talks about her diverse upbringing, and how she has a good perspective from being around so many different nationalities in Bonaire.
I really love the idea and the practice of worldliness and internatonal-ness (not a word huh?). I think I started to get really into this idea around the age of 14 or 15. Maybe it started in french class in high school… I love the sound of french, and speaking it is really fun as well, so I already thought things from other cultures were really great. I remember my teacher telling us about how in france people usually buy fewer pieces of clothing that are much nicer and just end up wearing the same thing more often, whereas in America we buy larger amounts of clothing that are of average quality. That was really significant to me, because I remember really liking the idea of wearing something i really loved that had fine details and fit well and was really beautiful, rather than having a bunch of clothes that fit terrible and felt horrible. But I couldn’t put this into practice because all the kids would have thought I was a weirdo for wearing the same 3 or 4 outfits (Side bar: that reminds me of Beven Herbekian who was the coolest kid in sixth grade and then everyone started to think he went crazy and was weird when he decided he just wanted to wear a couple different pais of sweats and sweaters over and over again. Didn’t ever know if they were clean….). I had very expensive taste and no way to fulfill it from a pretty young age, too, so the french way appealed to me on that point.
Mainly I just like the idea of knowing different ways of doing things and understanding why different cultures do different things. It can help you lead the kind of life that you want to lead (perhaps not in the style that you were raised in), and it also helps to understand, get along with, and feel more comfortable in other cultures.
Plus I just think that American culture can be very unhealthy a lot of the time, and I really like being exposed to the rest of the world’s ways.

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