leaden paralysis

April 30, 2008 at 9:00 pm | In personal | Leave a Comment

I’ve been depressed lately, and therefore very sleepy, so I haven’t managed to write any posts this week. I should write about depression! And hope! Maybe paradoxes…..and there are some songs I want to write about, and Rufus Wainwright in particular.

I will get to it soon I’m hoping. This weekend. Till then, I hope all is well out there!

glasses off!

April 21, 2008 at 9:56 pm | In personal, sensualism | Leave a Comment

I haven’t thought about this really since Clark Sellman in the 9th grade, and I was just reminded of it while at Tangier seeing this band called Dawes (who are great, you should check them out). It’s something that looks so amazing to me, and always makes me stop in my tracks when I see it. I love it when you see an attractive person who normally wears glasses, and they take their glasses off for a little bit. Then, like you never could have imagined it, no glasses. Just their face. And it’s such an unusual, special, intimate, naked, sweet look they have about them, it’s weird. It’s great. For some reason when I see some one’s face without their glasses it makes me think of water…. or quiet…. and calm youngness.

goodnight. 

stupidity and social values of fame in the supermarket

April 20, 2008 at 5:23 pm | In philosophizing, social critic | Leave a Comment

I needed to go to the market today. I wanted some vegetables, toothpaste, bla bla bla. At the checkout I was watching the TV programming they have in all the supermarkets nowadays, and saw this hilarious terrible thing I had seen a couple times before. There’s this segment that plays where they do a spot on a celebrity – actors, musicians, etc. They talk a little about other things the celebrity does maybe besides what they are normally known for etc. Then they end the segment with this (for example, today it was Ewan McGregor): “Ewan McGregor! Not just bad boy action star – he’s famous!”

WHAT? Ridiculous. Basically in these segments, this last outgoing line implies that fame is the highest endeavor some one can achieve. “Ewan McGregor’s not just a really good actor who does well in a variety of character types, likes to ride motorcycles, and travel to other countries…. he’s FAMOUS.”

This just makes me angry and cracks me up at the same time because fame is so nugatory. All those things are the REASON Ewan McGregor is famous. Fame is not intrinsic, it’s a by-product. I realize this is not so much how things are in current times, but it used to be that people became well known – and thus famous – because they did something important, helpful, moving. Something that people ended up appreciating and was substantial, wether it was entertainment, scientific, etc. Any of us could be famous tomorrow if a TV executive said, “I’m gonna broadcast you… just sitting in a chair, 3 hours at a time, 3 times a day for 6 months.” You’d be famous pretty quick. You would be all over E! and Extra. I just looked up an archaic definition of famous and it said: “Reported to be.” As in, yes, this thing or person exists. Well, damn, everyone exists, so I guess fame is not such a big deal after all.

Anyway, this just made me laugh at the market today. Sheesh, times are weird.

something to look at

April 16, 2008 at 10:26 pm | In sensualism | Leave a Comment

found this on Flickr by a person called TonivS. It is beautiful to me. Visceral and delicate. Good colors.

born to do

April 16, 2008 at 6:25 pm | In philosophizing, quotes, social critic | 1 Comment

I have always been very grateful that my parents never forced me or expected me to go into any specific profession. All they have wanted of me is that I know how to support and take care of myself, and that I am happy. I am so lucky. I’ve always thought it is very wrong to force an individual to do something with their life that they do not necessarily have a desire to do. Your work is a large part of your life, and finding yourself on the wrong path or in the wrong place can prevent you from really being yourself and being able to be happy with life.

The book I’m reading right now talks about this. It’s called Intelligence: The Creative Response to Now, by Osho. He talks about what intelligence is and how our society is structured in such a way that we lose our natural intelligence as we learn and are affected by school, parents, and other forces. There is a very good quote from the book that I was thinking of. He says,

“Education should not be competitive. People should not be judged against each other. Competitiveness is very violent and very destructive. Somebody is not good at mathematics and you call him mediocre. And he may be good at carpentry, but nobody looks at that. Somebody is not good at literature and you call her stupid – and she will be good at music and dance.”

I really feel that competitiveness, especially in the professional and status-related arenas of society, is very unhealthy and makes people – all people – unhappy. It is definitely good to push yourself and try your best, but when you have to compare yourself to others it is a sure way to get to feeling inadequate. And that is not fair or true because everyone is so different. 

It seems that often people think that you must be competitive and that being the best or in the “best”, “most impressive” state is the most important thing. I think people think that unless you are very rich, and acknowledged by public society, you are not worth much, and that is wrong. That’s really not how it works. The people who are doing the best are people who know themselves, are comfortable with themselves, and who are surviving doing things that fulfill them and that take care of their needs. They understand that having peace of mind and freedom to do what you love (even if you’re not lucky enough that it’s your day job) really makes people feel amazing and like they have worth and a place in this world.

So I’m writing this because I really feel that parents, schools, people in authority, advisors, peers, friends, family, should encourage children and anyone they know to understand how to take care of themselves in this world. To know that life can be hard and you have to work hard, but to follow what your feelings tell you. People should be encouraged to find what makes them feel whole, and to find a way to make that work for their life. Osho also says in that part of the book that everyone is in the wrong place, one person is doing another’s job and that person is doing theirs. It’s like…if we only let people naturally drift to where they were supposed to be the world would work a lot better. It’s very complicated, and surely not simple to teach some one enough but not too much, but I hope people start to realize and think about this kind of stuff.

On a personal note, sometimes I’m not sure I’m applying this to myself enough. Those of you who know me well know that I love to sing. I mean really love it. When I’m listening to music or singing are the only times I feel truly normal, comfortable, and passionate about life. Sometimes I worry that I am supposed to be spending much more of my time singing. That if I tried to sing for a living, everything would make much more sense, be much less painful, and I would be much more productive and happy. But I am afraid of this idea because I am sort of weak. I have pretty weak physical constitutions. I am always too cold or too hot. I have acute motion-sickness problems. I’m pretty sure I am hypoglycemic, and I can have a pretty big appetite. I get tired very quickly, and I have a lot of problems with social anxiety. I’m also a sensualist which means I love it when things look, feel, smell, and sound very good to me. Not exactly the best qualities for some one who should be being musical for a living. I need to be secure – emotionally, physically, financially (NOT well-off or rich, just sure that I have enough money to do what I do). How could I possibly spend most of my time being musical when it can pay so badly and the work is so sporadic?? Anyway, that’s my problem to meditate on. I am really happy about my current work situation, so there’s no rush. Wow this is a long post!

I hope you are happy with your profession, be it passion, or day-job! Goodnight neverland!

freckles

April 13, 2008 at 11:17 am | In philosophizing, social critic | 1 Comment

I am really disappointed that I haven’t had a chance to write more in this blog lately. I recently quit my job, then a couple days later (after having looked for the past 6 months) actually got a new job, so I have ben quite stressed out and busy for the past three and a half weeks. I have a lot of problems with anxiety, so I tend to get exhausted when change comes about. The new job is much better for me than the old job, though, so I am pretty happy and very lucky :) . I’m just trying to get to an even keel now. Anyway, on to more interesting things!

 

The way media  and popular culture (TV, film, magazine) affects people’s self image seems to me to be very important in our world. The perception of what is normal, attractive, or desirable in your culture has a huge impact on how you feel about yourself and your ability to accept yourself and have peace of mind or happiness. It can also help or hurt your ability to see how beautiful most people and yourself actually are. It definitely bothers me that in our (US) everyday media there are a lot of unrealistic, and also blatantly false representations of human beauty and form.

I feel like American media and pop culture really gives people a false idea of what humans actually look like. Being a total sensualist myself, I definitely understand the idea of physical and visual attractiveness and ideal looks, but media tends to assume that everyone should or wants to look the same, and then shows us an overly simplified image of the perfect form (male or female). One of the ways this is done that scares me the most is digital retouching. Skin color gradation, shadows, and any non-symmetrical contours of the face are changed or removed to show a bright porcelain or flat-like depiction of skin. Digital retouching can be awesome for blemishes, or any really bad shadows that totally block out some of the features of some one’s face, but I usually see it taken to unnecessary levels. 

Sometimes I look at my pores when it’s been a hot day, the ones on my cheeks near my nose. And they are kind of unattractive I guess. I can definitely see them. I always see commercials talking about pore-refining, and “oh no, my pores” etc. It’s completely ridiculous. Unless you happen to have very large pores, it’s really no matter at all! Skin is supposed to have pores. We have to sweat to get rid of toxins in our bodies. If we didn’t have pores our skin would suffocate and we’d die! I have seen many magazine ads for facial cleansers and the like, and there is a lovely woman’s face… completely re-touched so that there are no pores. The skin on the face is a solid color. This is not real. No one on this earth has skin that looks like that. There are pores on the skin. People see tons of magazine ads with pore-less faces and think that their pores must be too big, they should be invisible. That’s just not how human skin is. It is alive, it is it’s own organ, and it has variations and qualities to it. Which brings me to freckles.

I have had freckles my whole life. My mom never wore much makeup, so I didn’t learn much about it and never wore much of it myself. Nowadays I love doing beautiful eye makeup, and wear lip glosses sometimes, but I never wore foundation. I am pretty lucky, I’ve always had pretty good skin so I wasn’t moved to wear it, but I just never felt like it was a normal thing to do. It felt weird. So I walk around with my bare face, my freckles splashed across my cheeks. I don’t even notice them anymore.

Lindsey Lohan comes to mind. That girl is covered in freckles. But you never see them. You never see freckles on almost anyone in magazines, film, or the news. The only time you see them is when it’s supposed to stick out for some artistic or character reason. All these girls in the media (at least as far as I know) are wearing foundation all the time (I mean you don’t want to look shiny on the carpet for an event, but they probably don’t feel like they can leave the house without it. And even if they do, I’m sure most girls in America don’t feel they can leave the house without it). It’s a shame.

My freckles are the #1 most complemented feature I have. It happens daily. Sometimes more than once daily. PEOPLE LOVE FRECKLES. And not just cause it’s cute. GUYS LOVE IT. It is attractive. I get hit on a lot because of my freckles. So it makes me sad when I imagine that a lot of people out there think that they are unattractive, or that they are unusual in a bad way, or that they are blemishes. So not the truth. There are so many different kinds of features out there, and a lot more things that are normal and attractive than people think.

HOORAY FOR REALITY!

have a great day everyone!

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