the thousand thoughts of this evening
January 27, 2010 at 3:02 am | In Uncategorized | 1 CommentI wish I could do posts like this regularly, but i’m always extremely tired once I get home for the day/night, and promptly fall sleep. Anyway,
I went to see the band Haim play tonight at the Echo in Echo Park/Los Angeles. The thousand thoughts of this evening:
-Shit it’s cold.
-Stand up straight, Gabe. Relax.
-How fortunate am I, friends are here!
-[inside] It’s so loud and dark. I can’t see/think/hear clearly.
-Several people here that I know and like, and I don’t really belong to any of them. Hard to navigate socializing cause I want to see/talk to them all.
-Small world. Excited for Haim/ to say hey to the people in Haim.
-Shit, it’s cold outside. But sitting under this heat lamp is totally working.
-I know really nice/cool people.
-This band is talented/sounds good, but not so much my style (Olin & the Moon).
-It’s too dark in here, I can’t tell if any of the guys here are hot!
-They’ve got vegan and regular brownies back there?! Are they clearly marked?
-I really love that this guy has always really wanted to sing this song and he is going to do that right now!!
-Cold back outside, still haven’t seen one friend, but glad I’m catching up with another I haven’t seen in a while.
-Am I supposed to move to New York?
-I don’t want to play Bingo in the dark, I can barely see/hear what’s going on!
-I should have a drink or something so that I will actually DANCE during Haim’s set because that is what I really want to do.
-Haim! Great beats. Awesome songs. Dancing a bit.
-I LOVE THIS SONG!
-I hope people start to dance!
-I love music, and I get very specific moods/feelings/personalities from different music. Transcendence. I feel real in situations like this, it has everything to do with everything. No one understands this. Well, I’m sure many people understand this. Who are they so I can know them?
-I am supposed to be a musician. I can’t stand that I cannot cultivate this the way my life is going.
-Maybe moving to New York isn’t going to help. Maybe I am just supposed to stay here, quit my job, jump off the cliff, try to make music and find some part-time way to support myself so I’ll be okay, and the people who can help me nurture being publicly musical are right here.
-I am so confounded. I think moving to New York will be really good for me, and for trying to reset.
-This is the point. What beautiful/awesome sounds.
-I don’t want to go to, or be, at the office doing my work tomorrow.
-Group drumming! Excellent!
-Shows over. Back to “reality”.
-And in reality I’m alone. Need to find everyone to say goodbye to so I can get home and go to bed.
-I can’t believe I’m not different. It feels like I’m not on the track, I’ve missed where I’m supposed to be, and I have no idea of how to find it again.
-I’m pretty good at socializing sometimes.
-I really appreciate knowing creative and talented people.
- Okay, all done. You can go now, time for bed.
-Shit it’s cold!! I’m really tired.
-I want to make music! I don’t have time!
- [on the way home]I know.
-Right now in my life, I feel like I’m not ever going to be able to really be myself and be fulfilled. And that makes me so sad and makes me feel dispair. But, I have a lot going for me, so I will try to use that as motivation to change to the way I want to be.
-I must go on.
-Thank god I have a trusty, working car and that this show wasn’t that far away from my house.
-Woah, those girls trying to cross the street must be extremely wasted! (at intersection at the Vista. emphasis on TRYING. they didn’t even make it across the street!)
-Fuck, it’s 1am.
-Home, okay, gotta… do stuff and get ready for bed as quickly as possible.
-[after getting ready for bed, etc, and posting this blog entry] I am only going to get 4 hours of sleep tonight. I am going to feel like shit/feel exhausted and sick in the morning and not get enough done during the workday tomorrow. I’ll go to sleep very early tomorrow night so I can get some rest.
-My head hurts.
-Goodnight Neverland!
when you think enough about it all
July 27, 2009 at 8:24 pm | In personal, philosophizing | Leave a Commenti almost can’t relate to anything anymore.
something to look at
June 22, 2009 at 7:30 pm | In sensualism | Leave a Comment
I found this on galvarez51’s flickr. It’s from the lilly pool at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. I really love how there’s so much reddish orange in this photo. It almost looks like the lilly pads are sucking up the color of the koi like they were celery. The patterns on the lilly pads are also very pretty.
raison d’etre
May 3, 2009 at 6:59 am | In personal | Leave a CommentI really thought I would have fallen in love by now. At least once. I really did.
My parents are visiting right now, which is really nice. But it’s funny when you start to see your parents when you’re getting older, and they are getting older, and you become very aware of everyone’s mortality. It scares me because I have not figured out what to do with myself, and I don’t want to be alone.
I’m really glad I have great parents. They are very supportive, and we can talk and I have them to be close to. I don’t know what the point of this post is, I was just feeling really sad this morning being aware that time will always move on and you just have to try to make your life what you want it to be before it’s too late, and that everything and everyone will be gone eventually.
And you hope you will fall in love because that will help you to be motivated and inspired to do the most mundane, boring shit in the world because, hey, you’re in love. Isn’t everything grand?
All I know is the times in my life when I felt there was some one I could possibly love, and I thought about them a lot, it was much easier to just do things. And I sang a lot more. I would like that.
Alright, gotta get up and get ready for breakfast at Cafe du Village with my parents. We like to go there when they visit and the french dudes always have a nice time joking with us.
bon matin neverland!
uh oh, i’m feelin it
April 25, 2009 at 9:52 am | In personal | Leave a Commenti am quite alone, and feeling depressed. Gotta figure out what I can do about that.
Making friends used to be easier, you’d just turn to the person who was your age and likely had the same interests, that you saw everyday in homeroom.
I always see groups of friends chatting, making jokes and think, “Where are my people?” I have NO idea, but all I can do is keep trying.
something to look at
April 18, 2009 at 1:03 pm | In sensualism | Leave a Comment
from B Tal's flickr
I found this photo in a search for “light” on flickr. I really like the blue-green colors, and I like how the lights look like fireflies or something (they’re string lights). I also love this time of evening. Very beautiful and relaxing, and sometimes exciting depending on what you’re up to. The photo is titled “We Eat Light” which I thought was great.
something to look at
April 11, 2009 at 9:15 am | In personal, sensualism | Leave a Comment
from Kajelund's flickr
I found this image in a search for “wallpaper” on flickr. My wall calendar this year is of wallpapers from the 1910’s from the William Morris collection at the Brooklyn Museum. It was a bit of a departure for me because older wallpaper can be such a traditional and even conservative (read: stoic and un-sensual) visual choice. The samples in the calendar I’ve got are more on the creative and color-themed side though, so they really appeal to my eye. They’re a little traditional and very symmetrical, but some have really modern and striking color choices, some are heading toward deco. On a side-note, that kind of gives me an idea of how limited mass media is, because I think I’ve been under the impression that really funky-type, interesting, expressive stuff wasn’t as common in certain times of history, but really more of it was going on than people ever see commonly.
I like the image above because it has a very beautiful, kind of ornate flower design, it’s in one of my most favorite colors – blue, and the paper is aged. I LOVE when coloring on things ages or fades. What I actually love a lot is when you see use of color in that way, but the image or object it used on is not aged or distressed itself. For example if the coloring on the paper in the image above was exactly the same as it appears, but the paper was new, I would think this would be an awesome choice. You get the combination of clean, intentional designs in the wallpaper, but then these fading colors that look luminous and natural and kind of mimic the flow and ebbing of energy. It’s like, colors that you see naturally or chemically faded (like with bleach or something) have these smooth gradients that look like the visual representation of emotion. I really like that.
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