when you think enough about it all

July 27, 2009 at 8:24 pm | In personal, philosophizing | Leave a Comment

i almost can’t relate to anything anymore.

something to look at

June 22, 2009 at 7:30 pm | In sensualism | Leave a Comment

from galvarez51's flickr

I found this on galvarez51’s flickr. It’s from the lilly pool at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. I really love how there’s so much reddish orange in this photo. It almost looks like the lilly pads are sucking up the color of the koi like they were celery. The patterns on the lilly pads are also very pretty.

slower, finer

June 21, 2009 at 9:14 am | In philosophizing, social critic | Leave a Comment

A couple months ago I was reading about a letter George Washington had written while visiting Paris. I can’t remember who the letter was to, or exactly what year, or where I even found the article about the letter; but the main point is that it told me something about the development of our culture. I can’t remember if it was the main subject of the letter, but the most interesting thing about it was that Washington was talking at length about the apples in France and how they compared to the apples in America. He included details about the taste and texture, etc., and concluded that he preferred the apples of America.

I think this is really great and fascinating, because you can really see the difference between the structure and pace of life between that time in history and now. President Obama probably hardly has the time to get enough sleep and join his family for dinner when he can, let alone have a detailed interest in food and time to write a letter discussing the finer points of something like apples (which a lot of people these days probably don’t have a chance to think about beyond the categories of red and green).

Washington actually had the time to experience and enjoy food, and was able to become familiar with the finer differences and tastes. His taking time writing a letter to some one (and I believe, if I remember correctly, he was president at the time the letter was written) comparing French and American APPLES shows how much more time people had in the past and how much more full their lives were. Washington was writing about something the way we would expect a foodie or professional chef or produce expert to write these days, not a politician. But Washington was able to participate in both areas of interest.

Sometimes I feel (at least from my point of view) that the pace of American culture and cultures around the world is much too fast for enjoyment and health, and getting faster and faster. This is always a concern for me because I feel like at some point we’re going to make life not worth living. If all our time is spent working, preparing, facilitating all of the infrastructure of our lives (jobs, insurance, children, child-care, home utilities, doctor’s visits, car maintenance/registrations); all these things we have to take care of. If life becomes to full with duties and time gets shorter and shorter, there won’t be any room to enjoy fine things in life like apples.

raison d’etre

May 3, 2009 at 6:59 am | In personal | Leave a Comment

I really thought I would have fallen in love by now. At least once. I really did.

My parents are visiting right now, which is really nice. But it’s funny when you start to see your parents when you’re getting older, and they are getting older, and you become very aware of everyone’s mortality. It scares me because I have not figured out what to do with myself, and I don’t want to be alone.

I’m really glad I have great parents. They are very supportive, and we can talk and I have them to be close to. I don’t know what the point of this post is, I was just feeling really sad this morning being aware that time will always move on and you just have to try to make your life what you want it to be before it’s too late, and that everything and everyone will be gone eventually.

And you hope you will fall in love because that will help you to be motivated and inspired to do the most mundane, boring shit in the world because, hey, you’re in love. Isn’t everything grand?

All I know is the times in my life when I felt there was some one I could possibly love, and I thought about them a lot, it was much easier to just do things. And I sang a lot more. I would like that.

Alright, gotta get up and get ready for breakfast at Cafe du Village with my parents. We like to go there when they visit and the french dudes always have a nice time joking with us.

 

bon matin neverland!

uh oh, i’m feelin it

April 25, 2009 at 9:52 am | In personal | Leave a Comment

i am quite alone, and feeling depressed. Gotta figure out what I can do about that.

Making friends used to be easier, you’d just turn to the person who was your age and likely had the same interests, that you saw everyday in homeroom.

I always see groups of friends chatting, making jokes and think, “Where are my people?” I have NO idea, but all I can do is keep trying.

something to look at

April 18, 2009 at 1:03 pm | In sensualism | Leave a Comment

from B Tal's flickr

from B Tal's flickr

 

I found this photo in a search for “light” on flickr. I really like the blue-green colors, and I like how the lights look like fireflies or something (they’re string lights). I also love this time of evening. Very beautiful and relaxing, and sometimes exciting depending on what you’re up to. The photo is titled “We Eat Light” which I thought was great.

too nice, and why it’s not sexy

April 18, 2009 at 12:31 pm | In philosophizing, sensualism, social critic | Leave a Comment

I was bored during my lunch break at work the other day this week, and was surfing random articles. I read a headline that said “Dating Question: Can a Guy Be Too Nice?” written by dating blogger Rich Santos for Marie Claire. This immediately caught my eye because I’ve always been very annoyed/passionate/fascinated by both the age-old complaint “Girls say they want nice guys, but they really want bad boys!!” and the tragedy that perfectly decent handsome guys are not attracting as many girls because they are just too innocuous.

The the main question that the article proposed to answer was: can a guy be too nice? The article went on to give four scenarios in which it is possible for a guy to be too nice, which I will boil down for you here:

#1: He’s So Nice, He Can Only Be a Friend

Main point the author made: A girl might not be willing to risk the great friendship that you have to date you because you’re such a nice, great person. Also, the guy may just be destined to be a friend.

 
#2: He’s So Nice, He’s Not Challenging Enough

Main point the author made: We like to feel that we’ve won some one over, not that they’ve just handed themselves over to us.

 
#3: He’s So Nice, He’ll Always Be There

Main point the author made: I didn’t really understand what the author was saying in this section (check the article if you’re interested) but he mainly indicated that if a girl knows she can always come back to you, then she is more likely to see how it goes with other guys, rather than stay with you.

 
#4: He’s TOO Nice, You Can’t Trust Him

Main point the author made: A guy can be too nice in a way that makes the girl thinks he must have ulterior motives, or that he some sort of psycho. (I have a feeling this is rarely actually the case – though possible. I think the author just ran out of ideas.)

 
I personally felt that this article was cheap, and badly thought out. I suppose that’s generally what you’ll find when looking at random articles on Yahoo, but I felt like it was kind of funny that whatever editor was in charge of this section thought that this was worth publishing. Whenever there are dating advice articles and the like, it seems like nobody is really trying to actually answer these questions. Part of the reason is that there are a lot of nuanced psychological factors at play when it comes to human relationships, and our mass culture, most of the time , is not really concerned with understanding any of it. I really want to understand it, so I’ll make my attemp with this topic.

 
To start with, can a guy be too nice? Yes. Guys can be too nice. Girls can be too nice. Anyone can be too nice. I think that we don’t notice as much when girls are too nice because, to generalize, guys really do want nice sweet girls to be with long term. All of the negatives of being too nice don’t register as much with certain guys because they don’t mind having a sweet person who is lovely and wants to help them, and do whatever they want to do. It ’s actually pleasant and desirable.

 
So why isn’t it the same for girls? First I want to address this idea that girls really want bad boys. Don’t get me wrong, there are some girls out there who just don’t get it, and they are attracted to bad guys (I would guess it’s the thrill of taming some unattainable, selfish, lone-wolf, wild guy or just the excitement that he might bring to their life) but I don’t think they understand that the guy is not going to magically change one day into a decent person. As for other girls – or at least from my perspective – a really nice, totally inoffensive guy with impeccable manners and who never has any self serving intents, does not turn me on. However, I do not want to date a talented gorgeous guy – who is also a selfish ass-hole who is deceptive and has horrible life values. There IS a middle ground. Well, I believe there is a middle ground, and there certainly is one if you make it.

 
So what is the problem with being too nice? Obviously it’s nice when people are nice, but why does it make it so hard to be romantically and sexually excited about some one who is too nice of a person? The author of the article touched on this for a brief moment and did not address it or expand on it. He remarked in section #1, and I quote:

 
“Also, sometimes the nice guy just has no edge, so he’s destined to be just a friend.”

 

Uh, YEAH. Thank you, that is the whole crux of the problem! Why didn’t he talk about that at all! What is it about having no “edge” (eugh, no one likes using that buzzword) that makes some one not sexually or romantically interesting nor highly desirable?? To clarify a little bit, you can basically say that the level of nice-ness a person has is inversely proportional to the level of edge they have. For example: Mother Teresa – no edge. Totally open, straight forward, giving person. Not concerned with sexual appeal, material things, or selfish desires. I’m sure those who knew Mother Teresa felt that they could trust her, knew exactly where they stood with her, and that they could look to her for help or emotional comfort. Now imagine the opposite.

 
I feel like “Edge” (when discussing it in romantic context) is linked to several issues of character and personality. It involves:

 
- a person’s desire to express their sexuality/sensuality, and wanting to fulfill sexual desires.
- one’s selfishness or concern for ones own general needs and desires.
- the ability to think for one’s self and stand by your own perceptions and opinions.
- a person’s willingness to experience risk.

 
All edge would be a horrible person that no one wanted to deal with. No edge would be… your mom… or God, or some sort of saintly, non-human, non-sexual entity. Ideally, if you want to be a sexy, desirable, intelligent, kind, interesting person, you must find a moderate balance of edge and goodness. If you are too easy to be with, always accommodating, always ready to change your mind or do something for the person you’re interested in – they are not going to feel like they’re having a real interaction. There is no excitement of what is going to happen because they know they can basically always get their way, and they’re not even sure of what your way is. They will have too much power ( this really goes for any relationship you have – romantic or not). Sexual chemistry is also lessened because there is no tension – the girl will feel that she has all the control, when it should really be 50/50 (neither of you knows if you’ll get together or not! exciting!). She has to feel that you feel that sleeping with her is something you WANT regardless of how she feels about it (because this is probably how she feels about you if she’s attracted to you). You should be a match for each other, like a good tennis match or fencing match (pick whatever sport you like). You’re evenly in control, so it is a real outcome when you finally both feel like you want to be together and date.

 
It always bums me out when guys think they should just start being a jerk and then girls will like them more. The only thing I ever think of some one who is acting like a selfish jerk is that they sure are confident, but wow what a f*cking jerk. Confidence and generally being happy with yourself are crucial to being attractive, but it’s quickly soured when you can see what little touch with reality some one has because of how cocky, selfish, or reckless they are.
This is getting long, so I’ll end with saying that if you just relax and be yourself, dress so your silhouette is attractive, go for what you want, but also are generally considerate about other people’s feelings/needs/desires, you won’t be too nice to date.

something to look at

April 11, 2009 at 9:15 am | In personal, sensualism | Leave a Comment

from Kajelund's flickr

from Kajelund's flickr

 

I found this image in a search for “wallpaper” on flickr. My wall calendar this year is of wallpapers from the 1910’s from the William Morris collection at the Brooklyn Museum. It was a bit of a departure for me because older wallpaper can be such a traditional and even conservative (read: stoic and un-sensual) visual choice. The samples in the calendar I’ve got are more on the creative and color-themed side though, so they really appeal to my eye. They’re a little traditional and very symmetrical, but some have really modern and striking color choices, some are heading toward deco. On a side-note, that kind of gives me an idea of how limited mass media is, because I think I’ve been under the impression that really funky-type, interesting, expressive stuff wasn’t as common in certain times of history, but really more of it was going on than people ever see commonly.

I like the image above because it has a very beautiful, kind of ornate flower design, it’s in one of my most favorite colors – blue, and the paper is aged. I LOVE when coloring on things ages or fades. What I actually love a lot is when you see use of color in that way, but the image or object it used on is not aged or distressed itself. For example if the coloring on the paper in the image above was exactly the same as it appears, but the paper was new, I would think this would be an awesome choice. You get the combination of clean, intentional designs in the wallpaper, but then these fading colors that look luminous and natural and kind of mimic the flow and ebbing of energy. It’s like, colors that you see naturally or chemically faded (like with bleach or something) have these smooth gradients that look like the visual representation of emotion. I really like that.

universal freedom to exist: it’s coming

April 7, 2009 at 10:36 pm | In philosophizing, quotes, race & racism, social critic | Leave a Comment

” ‘We’re here and we’re gay!’ It’s important to be proud of who you are, but you should really just be proud to be yourself. It’s much more important.”

-Rufus Wainwright

 

I can’t remember where I read this quote, but it made me feel like I’m not alone in that people are thinking about the ideals and open empathy that we need to really have a functioning, harmonious society. I have always thought that it is very important to understand that there are all kinds of people who believe in all different things, want different things, and that often these things are conflicting in their fundamental philosophy or everyday practice. I feel like the important thing to understand is that in our society, where we have created laws and systems to protect us and help us prosper, it is our responsibility to each other to create a world in which we are all complete free to do whatever we need to self-actualize and have a fulfilling life, as long as it does not infringe on others. What constitutes infringement can be difficult to define when you get into certain situations, but I generally think that definition should mainly include occurrences that directly impact another in some way, not simply the sensibilities or ideals of another, but some actual effect to their life or self.

A good example for this is the conflict between people who are accepting of homosexual people and their desire to live as they are – romantically attracted to the same gender; and people who believe that this is not natural and should not be allowed to exist in our society. The thing about this conflict that bothers me is that many who do not believe homosexuality should exist have many reasons why they have a negative view of homosexuality and feel that it should be curbed in it’s existence (ie: wanting laws passed so that homosexuals cannot be legally married as heterosexuals can), but none of the reasons I have ever heard given actually effect anyone else’s life, property, or mental/emotional health. I do understand that it is an important issue, to both sides, but there is simply NO reason to make a law that mandates that a group of people cannot live their lives as others do. This is a matter of drafting our societal structure to help us maintain civilization, not an opportunity for people to decide what is acceptable to exist.

I’m going off on a bit of a tangent- back to the reason I wanted to post this quote. So far BEYOND all of this “I want you to live like me!” bullshit we have some one (Rufus) saying that it is important to accept yourself and not be ashamed of any facet of yourself, but that really it’s about ALL those things that make you you, and all the things you love, think about, and do, not simply a demographic criterion, that make life meaningful and liveable. And the person making this statement is one of the individuals being discriminated against, but he still understands that life is about more than these general things about ourselves that don’t even scratch the surface of our lives. 

We will need to eventually get to a point as a society where we’re not sitting around trying to demograph, stereotype, peg, and change different people. Every single person wants something different when you really look at people, and it’s so important that our society comes to understand this, or we will remain in conflict forever and there will always be some group that is not completely free.

Alright, way past my bedtime. Hope my writing isn’t too terrible. Night!

Daylight Saving Time (DST) and why it is so wonderful (OMFG)

March 8, 2009 at 2:31 am | In personal, science! | 1 Comment

Daylight Saving Time has officially started. I am so, so thrilled. This is one of my favorite times of the year because it is MAGICAL. Seriously. For the past 6 months in the northwestern hemisphere the sun has set around 4:50, and then 5:50pm, and everyone was getting all tired right when they got home from work, or feeling like blowing off the rest of their evening and just going to sleep if they work from home. People were feeling the time crunch of their daily lives more pronouncedly because the day itself was OVER by the time anyone got out of the office. And so was most people’s energy for the day, just totally over.

Now, by some lucky circumstance that the US federal and state governments feel it an appropriate practice (any state can submit itself to be exempted from dst), we magically get a whole other hour of daylight. And because of the optimism this inspires, it really feels like another hour and a half or so of time and energy. And of course, because the Vernal Equinox is coming just 12 days from now and we’re heading into summer, it equals more like 2 and a half hours more of daylight in the evening than we had been seeing in the winter. The days go on forever!

Finally!! More energy!!! No more feeling like you’re falling asleep around 6pm, and just wanting to crawl under some covers and hibernate. Now you will have seemingly more time and concretely a lot more energy to do what you need and want to do!

Well, at least that’s how I feel about it. This time of year really helps me get more done, feel and be healthier, and just be in a better mood in general. Usually what I hear every year is, “Oh NO! Not Daylight Saving Time again!! We lose an HOUR of sleep!” Oh my god, babies, calm down. You loose 1 hour of sleep for 1 day! Then after that everything is SO FREAKING AWESOME for about 6 months!!

Now, okay, some of you the sun doesn’t effect as much. Some people don’t react the same way regarding their energy and the amount of sunlight they get or what hours the sun is up during their waking time. For you guys, alright, it would be kind of annoying to lose an hour of sleep when you’re not gonna feel much difference either way. But come on, it always happens on a Sunday! You could just stay in bed one hour longer than usual and relax! 

Anyway, my opinion: DST is AWESOME and WONDERFUL. Hooray for a new period of positive energy!!!!

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